life is but a train [?after?]

I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go !
I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go!
I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go !
Life is but a train , my mind is but a map.  Every time I close my eyes to go to sleep, a void conquers me and I can see how my life’s gonna be once he’s long gone. And every time I wake up I don’t know if it already happened or if it’s a morning dream. I feel the morning light scratches my eyes and burns my skin, I feel the tears dried on my face and my pillow. I get up, smoke a cigarette and get polluted by the smell in the ashtrey. I pick my way through dirty dishes and wash two cups…and then remember that you are already gone.  I let you go so reluctanly but I can still hear your lazy symphony.
Just when I thought I had found my calling, my dreams , my heart got flushed down the toilet and I face another lonely morning, another mourning….
I keep remembering moments , details and I’d rather wash them away because they hurt. I put my memories on digital, in a hard-drive, in 30.000 pictures of a life that used to be and is no more. And as hard as I try to not think about it I still feel fingerprints that were left upon my skin, I smile on the corner of my mouth remembering a joke, a laugh.. I let him go so he can be happy but his lazy sweet ways still live with me….   but..it’s…just me.
I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go !
I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go!
I really wanted you to stay but I know you had to go …again…

life is but a train [before]

Life is but a train in this greater scheme and he’s getting off at the next station. Now that I know this, waking up is so hard to do. Even if you try hard, even if you’re quick,  something will hold you back. Life puts you in a queue for someone or something and that’s how it goes.
When I last expected, I met him and felt ike everthing just connected and there were hopes and dreams. Now all that is dying and I can only hope that the things in my brain just might see me through. Cuz we were a team , we were light that shone in the dark of all and I guess we did fine but there is no escaping our spectacular failure..of love..of life…
What I do now..what we do now…we are digging in between, trying to do and see things we’ve never seen, I try to find the missing links. So much achieved and I still can only hope that when he leaves there’s still a smile on our face. But the smile fades because there really is no escaping the life failure, there is no skipping of the next station. And the voices in my head keep playing the same track, and I’m missing out on that last station…. I really want you to stay but I know you have to go ! I really want you to stay but I know you have to go ! I really want you to stay but I know you have to go ! I really want you to stay but I know you have to go ! I really want you to stay but I know you have to go, have to go again….

happy b-day big baby!

Happy Birthday Babyshor ! The big 22 ! Love and kisses and hugs !

underneath the red moon

browsing through some older photos..and I ran into my 3 most favorite : an essay about relationships, that’s what was in the mind of the photographer. I feel like I should share them

LOVE

FAMILY

FREEDOM

 

the execution of all things

In my dreams
I see myself hitting a baseball
In a green field somewhere near a freeway
I’m all tan and smiling and running from 3rd base
And it’s hot and
The kids keep on playing the driving game
And they’re singing the same goddamn refrain
And the sky is a blueish grey.
And its become just like a chemical stress
Tracing the lines in my face for
Something more beautiful than is there
I’ve barely been gone.

In my dreams
I see you at the foot of some mountains.
And we’re taking some pictures or something
And we’d better hurry up
And it’s late and
The sun keeps on shooting through pine trees
And the grass stains are wet on your new jeans
And we’d better hurry up
And I’ve become just like a terrible mess
searching the lines in my face for
something more beautiful than is there
the crowds keep me coming back. Cheering.

In my dreams
I see you asleep on a twin bed
The covers pulled up over your head
Am I asleep or awake?
And it’s morning
And the captain is playing the radio
And hes just put the paint on his new boat
Am I asleep or awake?

And it just feels good when you’re waking up
And it just feels good when you’re next to me
And it just feels good when you’re coming home
And it just feels good when it’s waking up

And I’ve become just like a chemical stress
Tracing the lines of my face for
Something more beautiful than is there
I’ve barely been gone
and I’m not a failure
I swear
I wish you could see it from over there
I’ve got a lot over here without you
I’ve barely been gone
gone
dreaming

Soldiers come quickly, I feel the earth beneath my feet.
I’m feeling badly, it’s not an attempt at decency.
And if you’re well off, well then I’m happy some for you.
But I’d rather not celebrate my defeat and humiliation here with you.

And we’ve been talking all night….

And lastly, you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep.
But sleep never comes to you, it’s just the guilt and forever wakefulness of
the weak.
It’s just you and me….

rilo kiley
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my beautiful garbage

(stole title from my junkie)

<<
hangin around with u
dearest
sweet fff
one day this chalk outline will circle the city
televate me…
ooo champs elysees
2 lost souls swimming in a fishboul
pucca
all I need
te iubesc is so much more than I love u babe
nights at the playground
post modern sleaze…
Absolut love…
and then u kissed me….u’re the storm that i’ve been needing
green card celebration
me and my girl are gonna make it if we try
I miss..
childhood
I love…
I have…
fun
love
happy
not alone
hangover
persicuta
matzoasa
baby girl si baby boy
cap ou pas cap?
what’s it to you?>>>>
[this is a previous state of mind, that comes round]

beady belle
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